RIP BABA xoxo

On October 10, 2010 I lost my most beautiful loveable kitty ever, Baba. I got her when she was only a few weeks old and it was the best $15 my mom ever spent on me. A week or two before her death I noticed something was a little bit off about my Baba. She was meowing more than usual, the bones on her back were a little more prominent, she didn't want her belly rubbed which was her favorite, she wasn't sleeping with me as much, and she just wasn't being herself. The day before her vet appointment, she peed on the bed twice without even trying to get up and then I noticed she was having trouble standing on her back legs. This scared the crap outta me and I stayed up ALL night waiting till it was 8am when the vet's office opened. Finally 8am came along and the vet said I could bring her in right away which I did. I thought the signs Baba was showing were just signs of aging. I thought she could have some sort of infection too that we might be able to treat. So I go back into the waiting room with Baba and told the vet what was going on and he suspected it might be diabeties, but said the fact that she was peeing less made him not sure, so he did some bloodwork. OMG that was the longest 5 mins of my life waiting for this blood work to come back. The vet came back with the bloodwork and started going over the results with me. He said that she had a low white and red blood cell count and said she had a type of bone marrow cancer and that she was anemic. They did say that this does not cause her to go through pain, it is more of like when someone has the flu and they are just out of it. He gave me some steriods and vitamins to give her, and let me know to make an appointment in 10 days to see how her body is taking the medicine.

I brought Baba home and on the way back I had to stop to get gas. I placed Baba on the passenger seat, pumped my gas, and when I came back in she gave me a meow and crawled right onto my lap. It was sooo cute<3 I think she knew I was trying to help her. I brought her home and placed her down in bed. I went out and got all the different kinds of wet cat food available. She never really ate wet cat food, she loved her dry lil pebbles for some reason. But the vet said that cat's will go by smell, so if she wanted anything to eat to let her have whatever she wanted. Since I got Baba back home, I could tell her condition was getting worse. She was just lying on the bed with her eyes open, just staring at nothing. She didn't sleep the night before and I knew she was tired. I gave her some food and water, then her medicine, followed by more food and water so her stomach wouldn't get upset. I figured this would help her sleep. I then could tell she was looking at the liter box, so I scooped her up and put her bottom half in the litter box and held her front paws and she finally went to the bathroom. I put her back on the bed so she could lay down but she would keep getting up and moving, and you could tell she couldn't get comfortable. When she did get up to move, she could barely walk straight, it seemed like the bottom half of her was drunk. Whenever she moved, I would move to and be right next to her and tried to make her as comfy as possible. Minutes turned into hours and Baba still wasn't sleeping, and now she didn't want anything to do with food or water. If I brought her dishes to her she would try to move away. The thing that was so sad is whenever I opened the window or the bedroom door, you could see in her eyes that she just wanted to jump onto that windowsil or go out into the living room but she couldn't and it killed me inside. I felt like she was the same perfectly healthy Baba on the inside, but physically she could not do the things she wanted to do and it broke my heart into a million pieces. Later on I put her onto the floor with her water, all her different types of food, and her liter box. I noticed that now she really couldn't walk, when she tried it almost made me cry because he back legs could not stay straight for a second and she would stumble around. My boyfriend finally got off work and came home to see her. As soon as he did he started tearing up talking about how it was so hard to see her like this. He loved Baba just as much as I did, and she was like a child to us. We both cuddled her and gave her lots of love and tried to be quiet so she could go to sleep. It was now 3am and Baba still hasn't slept and I could tell she just wanted to get better. I took her to the emergency vet that night and it was heartbreaking. They pretty much told me that they can give her the medicine but it won't cure her or make her better, it would just simply give me more time with her. They even told me I could do a blood transfusion but that too would only give me more time. I brought her back home and pulled the entire matress on the floor so I could be with her every second. Needless to say, I did not sleep that night, and either did Baba. I got out of bed at 6am and went outside and just broke down. I couldn't stop crying and I had no idea what to do. She couldn't walk, move, eat, drink, and she hated when I gave her the medicine. We both haven't slept in days and I felt like I couldn't be around her because I didn't want her to see my crying or anything and sense something was wrong. I wanted to be strong for my Baba and I didn't want to scare her at all. I called my mom and my friend to come over because I just didn't know what to do. The only thing I could do was cry.

The hardest part about this was the vet won't tell you what you should do. They just say something like "well you know your cat more than anyone." THAT DOSNT HELP ME!!! Like how would you feel if you had to put your kid to sleep and that was the only thing the doctor said to you, "well you know your kid". It was just heartbreaking. They just tell you when you feel that she isn't living the same quality of life, then it might be time to say goodbye. I couldn't believe I was hearing this. Not my kitty! My kitty is going to live forever! Theres no way this is her time, its too soon! But unfortunately, I had to make a decision. I could either bring her back to the vet, or I could wait to see if the medicine worked. I really thought long and hard about it, and I didn't want her last memories to be of vet trips, medicine getting shoved down her throat, being uncomfortable, I wanted her last moments to be loving and peaceful. So I made the horrible decision to put her down. I couldn't believe it. I dreaded this day, and I was just hoping it would never have to come to this. As much as I loved her and as much as I wanted to spend more time with her, I didn't want to be selfish and make her go through all that. I loved her TOO much to see her suffer anymore. The second the vet told me she was gone, I felt like my heart got ripped out of my chest. I cried harder than I ever did before. I felt like the best part of me was leaving forever. I never knew you could love an animal as much as I loved her. She was my life, my love, my everything. She's always been there for me and we had the most beautiful love for eachother. I feel empty inside. I don't feel the same anymore at all. I feel like the world is in black and white now. I don't wanna do anything anymore, but just lay down where we used to and go to sleep so I can see her again in my dreams. My life will never be the same without her.

I will always miss her, and I feel my heart will always hurt for her. I am forever going to miss all the adorable things we did together. I miss getting woken up every day at 7am by her cute meows for me to get her morning bowl of fresh cold ice water. I miss when I got home, how she would wake up, meow, stretch, then come right over to me, purring with so much love. I miss how she always use to sleep with me in the cutest way. I miss how her purr would always calm me down and put me right to sleep. I miss the way she would always give me kisses after I petted her. I miss giving her daily kitty massages. I miss how it felt knowing that I had someone no matter what happened. I miss seeing her face when I wake up. I miss going to the store and lugging her heavy ass cat liter around. I miss the way whenever I was eating something and you would put the food by her, her eyes would get big with excitement because she loved to smell things. I miss the way whenever I opened the window she would go to it and smell the fresh air. I miss updating her twitter for her. I miss taking pictures of her. I miss having 1 way conversations with her, she was a great listener. I miss not having anyone to help me get ready in the morning. (well she didn't help but she would attack her brush and brush her face while I got ready) I miss having a cute ball of love jump on my lap whenever I do anything. I miss the way she attacked the sheets when I tried to fix the bed. I miss the evil look she got in her eye when she saw a piece of string. I miss the way she LOVED cat nip. I miss the way she would always lay on my clean laundry. I miss how she would go crazy and roll over anything that came from outside. I miss the way her paws moved so quick when she was playing with something. I miss how she was so loving and nice and cuddly with everyone around her. I miss my kitty.

Baba cuddling with Husker.

Baba rolling all over the suitcase my mom let me borrow. Baba didn't want me to leave.


Baba updating her twitter. @babaloney

A classic cute sleeping posistion Baba liked to be in.

Baba all rolled up. Lookin cute as hell.

Baba helping me with my homework. More of distracting me, how can you do homework with that cute lil thing purring up a storm next to you.

Baba really wanted to sniff this pepperoni and she even wanted to lick it. So cute

Baba loved to sleep in places that were too small for her, but it was sooooo cute. This was one of her favorite spots to sleep, all the way on top of the pillows.

This is how she would sleep with you, all curled up and tucked in.

Baba checking whats going on outside with Husker. Baba loved outside, but was too scared to make it past the windowsil.

I LOOOOVVEEDDD waking up this this every morning.

I got a new jacket from Holister, CA. Of course Baba had to sniff it and check it out. She fell asleep during this process.

This was sooo cute it killed me inside. WHY IS SHE SOOO FREAKIN CUTE? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE THIS CUTE???

A week or two before she passed, she just HAD to be on my lap while I did my makeup. I loved every second of it.

Baba checking out the snow for the first time!! She liked it.

Oh how I miss having her under my arm.

Baba cuddling with my boo. I loved it when she just pressed her face into things when she was sleeping. So cuteee.

I will forever miss petting and kissing her big belly.

Sleeping with her face pressed into the blankets.

So one last thing. If you have a pet and one day they are just not acting like themselves, even if its the tiniest thing, if you sense something is off, bring your pet to the vet ASAP. I can't help but to wonder what would have happened if I brought her in sooner.

Baba, I will ALWAYS love you. I hope I gave you the best life any kitty could ever want. I will hold you in my heart forever and a day won't go by where you won't cross my mind. One day we will be together again. I hope you enjoyed your life and I hope you can rest now in the next chapter of your life. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!